Narcissism, NPD & Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD)
A comprehensive guide to understanding harm, recognising patterns, and rebuilding life with professional support in Ireland
You’re not “too sensitive.” And You are certainly not imagining it. If you’ve been walking on eggshells, second-guessing your own memory, or spending nights untangling the latest argument that somehow became “your fault,” you are experiencing something that has a name—and there is a way forward.
At Claire Russell Therapy, I support people affected by narcissism, narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), and antisocial personality disorder (ASPD). Sessions are available ONLINE and in person in Adare, Newcastle West, Limerick, Charleville, Midleton, Youghal, Cork, and Dungarven. My work integrates Counselling, Psychotherapy, RTT (Rapid Transformational Therapy), Clinical Hypnotherapy, Clinical Medical Hypnotherapy, Hypnosis, and evidence-based nutrition within a whole-body approach.
This long-form guide explains what you’re dealing with, why it’s so hard to leave, what the damage looks like (emotionally, physically, relationally, and financially), and—crucially—how a structured therapeutic plan helps you recover clarity, safety, and confidence.
What is narcissism—and when does it become NPD?
Narcissism sits on a spectrum. At one end, normal self-regard helps us try new things, bounce back from setbacks, and take pride in our work. At the other end is narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)—a longstanding pattern of grandiosity, entitlement, exploitation, low empathy, and fragile self-esteem protected by blame-shifting and defensiveness. NPD is not “a big ego.” It’s an entrenched style of relating that consistently harms others and ultimately sabotages the person’s own relationships, career, and health.
Narcissistic traits often appear in two flavours:
- Grandiose (overt) narcissism: magnetic charm, spotlight-seeking, superiority, and anger when challenged.
- Vulnerable (covert) narcissism: hypersensitivity to criticism, envy, passive-aggressive control, and an inner belief of being special while outwardly appearing insecure.
Both forms prioritise self-image over honesty, control over connection, and admiration over accountability.
Where it comes from: There’s no single cause. Research suggests a mix of genetic vulnerability, differences in brain networks involved in empathy and self-regulation, childhood patterns such as overvaluation, neglect, or inconsistent boundaries, and cultures that reward image over integrity. These factors don’t excuse harm; they explain patterns—useful in therapy but never a reason to stay unsafe.
How NPD differs from Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD)
NPD and ASPD can look similar from the outside: manipulation, lack of empathy, and a willingness to use others. The motivations differ:
- NPD: behaviour is driven by protecting an inflated self-image and obtaining admiration.
- ASPD: behaviour is defined by a persistent disregard for the rights of others, deceit, impulsivity, recklessness, aggression, and lack of remorse—with evidence of conduct problems beginning before age 15.
Some individuals display both narcissistic and antisocial traits. In relationships, this often produces cycles of charm, intense pursuit, control, and escalating violation—emotional, financial, legal, or physical. When assessing risk and planning exits, the distinction matters.
What it feels like when you’re in it
Early stage: “soulmate speed”
Everything moves quickly: deep confessions within days, declarations of destiny, mirroring your tastes, excessive gifts, pressure to commit. This isn’t intimacy. It’s bond-building without trust-building.
Middle stage: confusion and self-doubt
Questions become accusations. Their Jokes sting. You are told you laugh too loud, you are called hysterical if you silently cry. Promises evaporate. You get blamed for reactions anyone would have. The constant moving and breaking of agreements, and cruelty. Your words are taken out of context; reality is reframed until you start to doubt your own memory, they endevour to make you lose your mental stability. You will be called or positioned as a Psychopath. You are required to explain more, over explain, and the bar keeps moving.
Late stage: exhaustion, isolation, and fear
You adjust what you wear, you are made adjust who you see, and also what you say. You may find entirely different rules at work or in public—many narcissistic and antisocial patterns have two faces. By now, there may be financial control, financial abuse, digital surveillance, legal threats, parental alienation and or co-parenting manipulation.
The damage this causes
Emotional and cognitive
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Constant self-doubt and rumination
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Anxiety, hypervigilance, panic
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Low mood and loss of interest
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Shame and a felt sense of “smallness”
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Memory and concentration problems (stress physiology narrows attention and erodes working memory)
Physical
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Sleep disruption, insomnia
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Headaches, gut issues, digestive problems, and severe muscle tension
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Hormonal, endocrine, and immune dysregulation driven by chronic stress
Relational and social
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Withdrawing from friends to avoid interrogations
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Loss of confidence dating or maintaining friendships
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Parent–child spill-over (children walking on eggshells)
Occupational and financial
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Lost opportunities due to sabotage or distraction
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Employer betrayal (credit-stealing, public belittling)
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Debt or damaged credit from coerced spending or withheld contributions
These harms are predictable responses to long-term stress and manipulation. They’re not character flaws. They are treatable.
Why leaving can feel impossible (even when you “know”)
- Intermittent reinforcement: periods of warmth and promises punctuate criticism and threat. The nervous system bonds to the relief.
- Trauma bonds: fear paired with rare comfort creates powerful attachment loops.
- Gaslighting: your reality testing is actively undermined.
- Isolation and practical barriers: money, housing, children, pets, visas, reputation.
- Moral injury: good people struggle to accept that someone they love can repeatedly choose harm.
These are precisely the areas therapy addresses—in small, doable steps.
How therapy helps—what we do together
At Claire Russell Therapy, support is structured, gentle, kind, and practical. Counselling, Psychotherapy, RTT (Rapid Transformational Therapy), Clinical Hypnotherapy, Clinical Medical Hypnotherapy, Hypnosis, and Nutrition. We’ll choose the right blend for your needs.
Counselling
We start by stabilising your day-to-day reality:
- Understanding or naming tactics (gaslighting, blame-shifting, stonewalling, smear campaigns) so you can see the pattern instead of internalising it.
- Boundary scripts you can actually say.
- Communication plans for no-contact or low-contact (including “grey rock” and “yellow rock” approaches).
- Documentation strategies if there are legal or safeguarding concerns (dates, screenshots, finances, incident logs).
- Safety planning and signposting where higher risk is identified.
Psychotherapy
Deeper, longer-term work:
- Untangling shame: replacing “What’s wrong with me?” with “I adapted to survive.”
- Reworking core schemas formed under criticism and control (defectiveness/shame, subjugation, unrelenting standards).
- Rebuilding a coherent life story that belongs to you, not the narrative imposed on you.
- Repairing trust in your own perceptions and choices.
RTT (Rapid Transformational Therapy) and Advanced RTT
A focused method that targets limiting beliefs and conditioned responses—particularly useful when “I know logically, but I still freeze/say yes/panic.” RTT can interrupt long-standing loops around worth, guilt, and people-pleasing that often follow narcissistic abuse.
Clinical Hypnotherapy & Clinical Medical Hypnotherapy
Hypnosis is a state of focused attention—not mind control. In session, we calm over-aroused stress systems, reduce triggers, improve sleep, and install practical cognitive-behavioural skills. In Clinical Medical Hypnotherapy, techniques are applied to stress-related physical symptoms—supporting gut, sleep, pain, and immune balance alongside medical care.
Nutrition (Registered Nutritionist)
Stress is biochemical as well as psychological. Nutrition can support energy, focus, sleep, wellness and hormonal and mood stability—especially when appetite is low or comfort eating has become a coping strategy. We keep plans realistic and kind, never punitive.
A step-by-step plan you can start today
- Safety first
If you’re at risk, we prioritise safety planning and appropriate supports. Abuse is never your fault. - Stabilise your body clock
Sleep anchors recovery. We’ll craft a simple wind-down routine that fits your life and doesn’t add pressure. - Name the pattern
We list the tactics you’re facing so you can recognise them in real time and stop personalising them. - Boundaries you can keep
Short, neutral scripts for common traps: circular arguments, silent treatment, baiting texts, public scenes. - Contact plan
Decide which channel you’ll use, how often you’ll reply, and when you won’t. For co-parenting, we set predictable, documented communication. - Rebuild your map of the world
Values, strengths, goals. Remember what you wanted before the noise. We identify one or two near-term wins to regain momentum. - Relational confidence
Micro-practices for dating and friendships that let you test for safety early—without losing your warmth. - Maintenance
We plan for wobble moments: anniversaries, legal deadlines, hoovering attempts, or sudden “I’ve changed” messages.
Real-life snapshots (anonymised)
Sarah (partner context): After months of light-switch warmth and rage, Sarah couldn’t tell which arguments she “caused.” In counselling she learnt to map the cycle, use brief scripts, and pause replies overnight. Clinical hypnotherapy settled panic attacks; RTT helped her let go of the guilt that kept her saying yes. She negotiated a safe exit, found supportive housing, and returned to a career she loves.
Mark (parent context): Mark grew up with an ASPD parent: rules for everyone else, none for them. As an adult he distrusted closeness and picked controlling partners. Psychotherapy worked through the grief of the parent he didn’t have; RTT dismantled a belief that his needs “create trouble.” He now describes feeling “calmly himself” in a healthy relationship.
Claire (workplace context): A manager with clear narcissistic traits took credit for her wins and criticised her in public. She felt frozen in meetings and couldn’t sleep. Clinical medical hypnotherapy reduced tension and restored sleep; counselling gave her scripts to redirect credit and limit access. She documented calmly, secured strong references from colleagues, and moved to a new post with her confidence intact.
Co-parenting, the courts, and your sanity
Where separation involves children, emotional tactics may shift to the co-parenting space. We’ll work on:
- A structured calendar with clear transitions
- Written communication that is brief, informative, friendly, and firm
- Documenting agreements and sticking to them
- Protecting children from adult dynamics and keeping routines steady
- Building your support network so you are not carrying this alone
None of this is about “winning.” It’s about steadiness, safety, and giving children a predictable base.
Myths that keep people stuck
- “Everyone has a bit of narcissism, so maybe I’m overreacting.”
Healthy self-respect is not the same as exploiting others or refusing accountability. - “If I explain it perfectly, they’ll finally understand.”
The issue is not your explanation. It’s the other person’s motivation. - “It wasn’t all bad.”
Most abusive systems include good moments. That’s how the bond is kept. - “Leaving means I failed.”
Choosing safety is not failure. It’s clarity.
Frequently asked questions
How do I know if it’s NPD or just selfishness?
You don’t need a label to deserve respect. Pattern matters: repeated manipulation, entitlement, and low empathy despite feedback and harm.
Can narcissists change?
Some people change when they truly commit to sustained therapy and accountability. Many do not seek help. Your recovery does not have to wait for their insight.
Is couples therapy suitable when there’s abuse?
Where there is ongoing abuse or intimidation, joint sessions can increase risk and provide new tools for manipulation. Individual work and safety planning come first.
What about ASPD—can that change?
Change is rare without strong motivation and external structure. Our focus is your safety, stability, and recovery.
How long will recovery take?
Timelines vary. Many people feel small but meaningful shifts within the first weeks—sleep improves, anxiety reduces, boundaries become doable—followed by steady consolidation over months.
Can hypnosis really help?
Used professionally, hypnotic techniques can reduce anxiety, support sleep, and help install new coping patterns. It’s not a silver bullet, but it’s a powerful adjunct.
Do you offer online sessions?
Yes. Secure ONLINE sessions are available. In-person appointments are offered in Adare, Abbeyfeale, Newcastle West, Charleville, Midleton, Youghal, Cork City, East Cork, and Dungarven.
When to seek urgent help in Ireland
If you are in immediate danger, call 999/112. For confidential information on domestic and sexual violence supports across Ireland, the HSE maintains an updated hub: https://www2.hse.ie/services/domestic-sexual-violence-support/
Work with Claire Russell Therapy
You deserve relationships where your nervous system can rest. If you’re ready to begin, I’m here—calm, practical, and on your side.
Book a Consultation Now
- ONLINE across Ireland and worldwide
- In person: Adare • Newcastle West (Limerick) • Midleton • Youghal • Cork • Dungarven
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Counselling • Psychotherapy • RTT • Clinical Hypnotherapy • Clinical Medical Hypnotherapy • Hypnosis • Nutrition
Scientific and clinical references
- American Psychiatric Association. Personality Disorders overview. https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/personality-disorders/what-are-personality-disorders
- NHS. Antisocial personality disorder: overview and treatment. https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/antisocial-personality-disorder/overview/
- NICE. Antisocial personality disorder: prevention and management (CG77). https://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/cg77
- Caligor E, Levy KN, Yeomans FE. Narcissistic personality disorder: diagnostic and clinical challenges. Am J Psychiatry. https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.ajp.2015.15101333
- Pincus AL, Lukowitsky MR. Pathological narcissism: grandiosity and vulnerability. Pers Disord. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0021193
- Miller JD, Campbell WK. Comparing clinical and social-personality narcissism. J Pers. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-6494.2008.00507.x
- Morf CC, Rhodewalt F. The paradoxes of narcissism: dynamics and processes. Psychol Inquiry. https://doi.org/10.1207/S15327965PLI1204_1
- Cain NM, Pincus AL, Ansell EB. Narcissism differentiation. J Pers Assess. https://doi.org/10.1080/00223891.2008.10199236
- Ronningstam E. NPD in DSM-5: misconceptions and controversies. Pers Disord. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0033351
- Miller JD, et al. Narcissism and aggression. Clin Psychol Rev. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2010.12.001
- Campbell WK, Foster JD. Narcissism and commitment in relationships. J Pers Soc Psychol. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.77.6.1171
- Widiger TA, Trull TJ. Five-factor model and personality disorders. J Abnorm Psychol. https://doi.org/10.1037/0021-843X.106.2.246
- Kealy D, Ogrodniczuk JS. Narcissism and pathological self-criticism. Psychiatry Res. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psychres.2010.08.021
- APA Dictionary of Psychology. Gaslighting. https://dictionary.apa.org/gaslighting
- Blair RJR. The neurobiology of antisocial personality disorder. Br J Psychiatry. https://doi.org/10.1192/bjp.bp.106.034330
- Frick PJ, Viding E. Antisocial behaviour from a developmental perspective. Dev Psychopathol. https://doi.org/10.1017/S0954579410000759
- Glenn AL, Raine A. Neurocriminology and antisocial behaviour. Nat Rev Neurosci. https://doi.org/10.1038/nrn3117
- Hare RD. Psychopathy, ASPD, and recidivism. Crim Justice Behav. https://doi.org/10.1177/0093854894021001004
- Paris J. Personality disorders over time. J Pers Disord. https://doi.org/10.1521/pedi.2003.17.6.479
- Levy KN, Ellison WD. NPD and borderline traits. Harv Rev Psychiatry. https://doi.org/10.3109/10673229.2011.615566
- Krizan Z, Herlache AD. The narcissism spectrum model. Pers Soc Psychol Rev. https://doi.org/10.1177/1088868316685018
- American Society of Clinical Hypnosis. About clinical hypnosis. https://www.asch.net/about-hypnosis
- Kirsch I, et al. Hypnosis as an adjunct to CBT. J Consult Clin Psychol. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-006X.63.2.214
- HSE. Domestic, sexual and gender-based violence services in Ireland. https://www2.hse.ie/services/domestic-sexual-violence-support/
- Molendijk M, et al. Diet quality and depression: meta-analysis. Nutr Neurosci. https://doi.org/10.1080/1028415X.2018.1533997
Final note
If time is tight tonight, skip straight to the “Book a Consultation Now” section above. The first step is simply a conversation—confidential, calm, and centred on what you need next.